Furiously Bri

I have talked about mental health for years on Facebook with 300+ people watching, one of the most frustrating experiences is that when it had to do with my physical appearance, I would be cheered on and told I’m beautiful regardless of the impacts of trichotillomania. But when I talk about the dark parts and my loneliness, I was never met with any communication, outreach, consolation, etc. Nobody messaged me to make sure I was okay. When talking to people about mental health who can’t relate or are too uncomfortable with the topic, it’s awkward silence or very thoughtless “just think positive” level responses.

The only people that heard me were the ones also struggling. There was an occasional person who struggled and would make it a competition, like “Well, at least you don’t ____” as if that makes a difference within my situation. But I think about how so many people who have died by suicide and the response being “I wish I knew just how much they were struggling, I could have been there for them.” Let me ask you this: Did you ever check in and ask how they were feeling and give them the safe space to let them talk about their feelings without diminishing or fixing things? Did you see that they were beginning to retract from their usual social spaces and come by and offer to take some of the load off of their day by maybe bringing food or asking if they can help with dishes? Did you ever just call them and keep them company, and chat just to chat? Or were you so caught up in your own life that you thought a few TikToks sent and a couple texts with memes would be enough?

The reason why there is a mental health crisis is because people do not connect anymore. Everyone believes only posting on each other’s social media or sending memes is the main way to communicate and that it’s healthy. If you are not trying to meet people, get to know them, and have genuine conversations and care about their wellbeing, what is the point of the friendship? Most of the lowest lows of my life were because I felt ignored and alone, that my feelings didn’t matter or that if I did attempt to express my feelings, I would be met with invalidation and the need to recluse all over again.

I have a very small circle that I currently feel like I can be genuinely vulnerable with because I know they are willing to listen and discuss the feelings with me and then maybe find a way to get my mind off things, so that my OCD can calm down. Outside of that, I don’t bother getting into the dirty details of my mental health now, because nobody cares to have a conversation. If you are not willing to be uncomfortable for a little while and listen to the person bleeding in front of you, can you truly say that you care? You can be open and honest and say “I honestly don’t know how to handle these situations, but if you can think about how I can be here for you, I will do my best to be there for you in the way you need.” It’s the effort that matters. Ask questions. Dive deep and ask for clarification as to why they feel the way that they feel. If they deal with a specific disorder, sit down and find books and resources to learn about them.

All I want in life is connection. I want to go somewhere with people, sit down at a library or coffee shop, and just talk. About books, movies, politics, philosophy, anything. But it feels like the only time I connected with people in these ways, I was in college. And it was virtual!

At this point, I’m planning to just go sit at a library and find books to read, bring a coffee, and just vibe it out and see if there are events I can join to refresh my circle, because some of the circles I’ve joined have felt very surface level and I don’t want that kind of friendship.