Furiously Bri

Before I married my husband, I was in a relationship that only mirrored the worst parts of myself and made me feel delusional, unworthy, and unloved. I didn’t know what real love looked like because I only saw it as committing for the long haul no matter what. Love was just a feeling nobody could explain and you’re told that you “just know” when you love someone. Over the years, I learned that my marriage is successful by ignoring all of that.

Love is respecting each other. This means learning and respecting each other’s boundaries. It’s not yelling even if you’re angry and learning when to walk away for a while to avoid saying something you’ll regret so that you can come back with a clear head and solve the problem together. It’s understanding that you will still have differences no matter how much you have in common and that it’s important not to try to change certain things that makes your partner who they are.

Love is having a solid foundation with each other. For my marriage, it was friendship. We had been friends for a very long time before we started dating. We lived together after one year because we already knew the surface-level things about each other, and living together during COVID meant we learned about each other on a much deeper level. Out triggers, our favorite things, our quirks, our secrets, our pain. COVID I believe was a test of compatibility for many couples. That point in time brought us closer together.

Love is honesty. We are always honest about our feelings with each other, even if it takes a minute to process how we feel and it delays the conversation at times. I don’t like to express that I am annoyed until I sit with that feeling and ensure it’s not a compulsion or trigger causing those feelings before I say something my husband did bothered me on some level. He also likes to bring things up only when he knows it truly bothers him. We will be honest when we don’t like something more shallow as well, like a food that was made, a song we shared, an conversational opinion, etc. Being able to discuss these things is important because we have to learn to, again, accept differences, or compromise.

Love is knowing what values are important to you before even dating. This is more about loving yourself enough to not go through the pain of not knowing what your partner wants out of life and what is important to them before committing to them. This includes what their religious and political views are, learning their personal philosophy and attachment styles, personal (general) values and beliefs, how they treat other people, if they want kids and determining if that is something you can consider over time together, etc. I believe a big reason relationships fall apart so early is because time wasn’t taken to get to know the person truly and deeply enough to know if they are compatible with each other. Sometimes it works out to be in a quick-paced relationship, but sometimes it takes time for someone to be comfortable enough to reveal their true colors.

My husband is my best friend, and the light of my life. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for this man, and I have had the happiest five years of marriage, six years of dating, and ten years of friendship. I had to go through so much in my life to get to where I am, and even though many things are painful, I ended up making the right choices to be in a happy home and the most loving marriage. I couldn’t ask for a better person to go through the adventures in life with. If you’re reading this my love, I absolutely adore you. ❤️