Furiously Bri

Hello there, it’s been a while. A lot of things have happened since I wrote last!

I am finally getting back into the gym after a few months of having a hard time getting into a flow of things. I struggle with working out a lot of the time because when I get sick or have an infection, I tend to be down for the count for a couple of weeks. I then end up struggling mentally with weight I put back on, because instead of the progress feeling like hills and valleys, it feels like the goal post gets moved back 100 yards and I have to push it back to where it was before. I am trying to keep my momentum. On the other hand, my eating habits have gotten a bit better, so I can say that my weight gain is coming most from the issue of not moving around enough. Having a sedentary job with a rough commute makes that energy hard to have, especially when I like to try to keep to a good sleep schedule. I hope to resolve this issue so that I can have a better work-life balance, but we shall see how the cards play out.

I have been listening to a lot of music lately. I would love to make a widget for my website to show my current playlist and the songs I’m hyperfixated on, but I don’t know how to go about that. I can tell you that after the release of the new song by Bad Omens, Specter, I am really excited for their new album. I hope it drops in October, because the theme of that song would be perfect for a Halloween album drop. Other bands I’ve been listening to heavily are In This Moment, Spiritbox, Sleep Token, and I started to dabble in Imminence and might check out Ghost. I really enjoy bands that add lore to their music and have a range in genre or sound. Sleep Token is top of the list for that considering their constant notes of mythology.

I have been borrowing audiobooks from my local library a lot lately, as well. I have been listening to The Serpent and the Wings of Night series, which has been intriguing. I have the physical copy of the sequel to A Fate Inked in Blood by Danielle L. Jensen titled A Curse Carved in Bone, but unfortunately, my focus requires me to multitask right now, so I am still 61st in line to listen to it, which is better than two months ago where I was 1,000th in line. I am still 254th in line for Sunrise on the Reaping by Suzanne Collins, which I was 1300th in line when I requested a hold in line. Maybe I’ll try to read a page or two at a time every day to rebuild that focus in the meantime. I just also like to read books while I do chores or play games to keep things interesting.

On a more serious note, I have been taking therapy a bit more to heart than normal. I have started documenting some things I’m experiencing and wanting to express or change in my life as I realize that certain people, things, and behaviors either no longer serve me or actively hurt me. I also have to set boundaries with myself because of my OCD. I cannot let intrusive thoughts run rampant. I have to acknowledge them, expose myself slowly to those triggers (which tends to be difficult when a lot of triggers are related to my trauma), and then let it all go. So I started making changes surrounding things that trigger me.

For example, I am aware that I have no obligation to speak to people who hurt me or do not have the intention of changing their behavior when I say that certain things they say or do hurt my feelings. However, if I block them outright, I am keeping myself from being triggered and not confronting the trigger outright and I’m not asserting my boundaries. I do not have to respond to them if I do not like what they say, and if they have a problem with my distance from them due to their behavior, we can talk about it briefly. However, one conversation is enough, because I am not a fan of repeating myself and if the person were to care about my feelings, one time would be enough.

Basically, since I’ve been gone, I’ve been working on myself a lot and I continue to do more of it as time goes on. I hope those have been reading will continue to follow along this journey with me, because I may be taking it to TikTok or YouTube (video format might be implemented here as well as I don’t want to abandon the home I made in my blog)!

I’ll see you all again very soon.