Furiously Bri

It’s my birthday, and I’ve already blown out the candles. So now I’d like to share some crazy things that happened in the last year.

• I left a job that had negative energy. Although I learned a lot about my field of work, I also learned that when people treat you as though you’re worthless, don’t believe that you are, just find a place that recognizes your efforts and ethics. I also learned the type of leader I don’t want to be. I don’t want to be passive-aggressive and prevent my colleagues from doing their jobs or discourage them from progressing in their careers simply because I may not agree with them or vibe with them on a personal level.
• I was diagnosed with OCD and Chronic Urticaria. These two things are a sucky combination, I’ll tell you that right now. I’m still navigating these diagnoses because intrusive thoughts are like knights with a battering ram to bust in and beat bad feelings into your brain and make you feel as though you’re in danger. Then, having hives after a severe allergic reaction experience makes you always feel as though you’re in danger. Trauma likes to tango a bit as well. It’s always a work in progress, but as long as I’m moving (not necessarily forward, but in general), then it’s all I can do until I have time and money for therapy again.
• I managed while my husband was deployed again. While this doesn’t sound super significant as there are people out there surviving without their spouse/significant other all the time, I never really got to romanticize my life individually. I was always told to be by myself or how I should think about myself but I never really truly sat down with myself and asked what I was interested in until this past year. Turns out, I’m really into the goth and. alternative makeup and fashion, I love reading about witchcraft, I really enjoy fantasy books, and I am a sucker for a cozy game (particularly by Nomada Studios). I have listened to a lot of various music, but in particular, Spiritbox has become a top favorite. Managing wasn’t just doing chores and going to work and coming home, counting the days until he came back (though it was a big part). It was me sitting with myself, paying attention to my wants and needs, and meeting them for the first time. I feel more myself now than I ever have.
• I now am working my dream job. I have wanted the job I have for a long time. I have worked hard to get where I am and although I face many challenges, I don’t feel the need to run away. I am excited to learn something new every day and try to reach some goals. I feel I can grow where I am and gain new skills, and I think it’s important no matter what job you have to take something, even if it’s one thing, away from it.
• I watched my first gothic horror movie on New Year’s Eve. Is it a significant accomplishment? Not really. But it was such an experience to watch the new Nosferatu movie. The way it was written conveyed many layers and thought-provoking scenes that have not left my mind yet–and it’s been a month! I am proud of myself for watching something that also made me uncomfortable because I think we get so caught up in what life is like outside of entertainment, that we seek fantasy or escapism to avoid the discomfort of serious ongoings in the world. We lose touch with reality and refuse to acknowledge (or in some cases, take accountability for) what others are going through or experiencing, and therefore, losing empathy and shreds of humanity.

So, what now? I’m another year older, but I haven’t expressed what I want out of this year.

For one, I want to survive this year, haha. There’s so much uncertainty for the safety of friends and family right now due to the politics we are enduring. It even impacts my job a bit. Not enough to worry about the security of it as far as I can tell, but it’s definitely going to make more of an impact later depending on decisions the President makes.

I want to advocate for mental health more. I know I say this a lot, but it does get taxing talking about my experience at times. But it’s even more taxing not talking about it and hoping to find people that I can connect with and understand where I’m coming from. I want to take part in local groups and use my connections locally to influence change.

I also want to use my platform to influence change. I want to see people discuss things they didn’t really think about before seeing my page, or maybe even discuss things they’ve been afraid to bring up out loud because they felt it would make someone else uncomfortable. Whether this be about bodily autonomy, philosophy, politics, current events, and book genres they feel shy about mentioning, whatever it may be. I love the idea of building community and bringing people together. I am a strong believer that you don’t have to have everything in common to appreciate someone you’re speaking with. I once had a friend I truly appreciated because we were so different and I never thought about so many things in a certain light until I met them. They’re someone who impacted me greatly while I was in a conservative environment and really made me question my beliefs and values.

I just want to grow into the best person I can be. It may not be an easy road, but if I can come out of this year more proud of myself than I’ve been in the last year, I think I can say progress is being made.

Please drop your favorite thing in the comments! Your most treasured book, movie, memory, whatever comes to mind that brings you so much joy or made you completely change your view on the world. I want to know more about my readers!

I wish you all a happy Monday and rest of your week!