Furiously Bri

I can’t tell you how many people I don’t talk to anymore. I have people I refuse to be anywhere near me because of the energy they bring or the things I know they’ve said because words aren’t just words. Words are thoughts that lead to actions because when you say those things enough, they become beliefs that lead to those actions. Some people also will pretend to be there for you just because the stuff you vent to them about is entertaining to them and give those people ammo to talk to other people about you. Or they half-listen just to get through the problem you have so they can talk solely about themselves, or even compare their problems to yours so that you can decide who has the biggest issue in life.

This is a hill I will die on. I had roughly 300 people on Facebook, and the main times people chose to react to my posts were if it was a meme or if I talked about how I was struggling with my trichotillomania, telling me I was pretty with or without hair. Once I shrunk my circle, I had more buildable conversations. I feel like I connect with people more because I don’t feel like I’m trying to get someone to speak to me. I can focus on those I know genuinely want to speak to me and have a discussion even if we disagree because I know we both can discuss without arguing. In a way, it cut out people I was trying to get validation from in the process as well.

Something that also benefits you by keeping your circle small is the fact that it’s less energy to put out. Sometimes when you have a lot of people in your ear, you must set multiple boundaries that are different for everyone, and you could end up exhausting yourself. Some people in your circle can simply be draining, too. It is okay to put yourself and your needs first and only connect with people that make you feel good and still hold you accountable rather than people who drain you and make you feel down about yourself, question your self-confidence, and make you feel like you’ll never get rid of the eggshells on the floor.

I’m thankful for all the people I’ve had in my life because some of them that I have let go of have also taught me a lesson just by how I was treated. I may not have known what boundaries were very well, but I learned from reflecting on past connections what I like and don’t like and what boundaries are important to me now. I stand firm on what I need and will not allow people to cross the line I drew in front of them and that I have communicated with them. If the boundaries are crossed, disrespected, or invalidated, I have no problem making the circle smaller. I address my issues with people and expect effort on both ends to work things out, but I know not everyone will understand the issues at hand or be willing to be accountable for such matters, and I accept that as well. I just will not allow that energy in my life.