Furiously Bri

How often do we say yes to people we really need to say no to? How often do we push our own feelings down to satisfy others? Then, when we need to set boundaries and put ourselves first, we are told that we have changed or we’re doing them dirty.

Stop saying yes to everything. Don’t comfort someone with words they want to hear if you know they’re in the wrong. If they hint that they’re the problem and directly ask you if they’re the problem, that is not the time to pat them on the back and say that they are not. You can talk calmly and straightforwardly about what they’ve done, how it’s affected someone, and why they are viewed as wrong. From then on, it is up to them to make a change or find the tools to be better.

On the other hand, you can also reject or reschedule the conversation if you do not have the emotional capacity to give advice because you must put yourself first. You are not obligated to expend yourself for the sake of others’ feelings. If you pour from an empty cup, the advice may not even be sound enough for them to take. This is where you may offer an outlet such as a journal or therapy. If they do not take up these alternatives, it is up to them to find another way of support.

You cannot leave yourself defenseless because standing up for yourself may hurt someone else’s feelings. You will inevitably hurt someone’s feelings by speaking your truth, but you may also help many others by speaking your truth. My therapist taught me that other peoples’ feelings toward your confrontation or feelings about them are not your responsibility. How they respond or feel about you reflects them. What matters on your end is how you communicate your message.

A question you may have is how do you fill your own cup? You could do various things, like an activity that makes you happy, exercise, read a book, unplug from social media, walk in nature, create something, or even just spend time with a loved one. This choice is whatever makes you feel good at the moment. I like paint-by-numbers, naps, and exercise. I have been slacking on exercise due to not feeling well, but I enjoy it in my free time. Remember: You can say no to other things to spend time with yourself. You do not need scheduled appointments, work, school, or a family matter to say no.

You are not obligated to keep people in your life that drain you. If someone in your life makes you feel bad and you’ve communicated the issues at hand, but they chastise you for hurting their feelings or ignore the conversation and pretend it never happened, they are not worth your time. Keeping them in your life empties your cup. Fill your cup by filling your social circle with positive, constructive criticism. Uplift each other, but don’t be afraid to call each other out because sometimes we need to improve relationships or better ourselves as individuals.

Constructive question: What do you do to fill your cup?

Fun Question: What drink do you like to fill your cup with?

Thanks for reading, and be sure to comment with your answers below! I hope everyone had a fantastic holiday and is eager to take on the new year!